is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
