did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
