his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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