TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
