Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
