I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
