Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
