im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
