Please don't use social media to get back at me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
