if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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