I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
