Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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