using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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