I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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