You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Actions speak louder than pants.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
