I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
