i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
