so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
