I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
