Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
