Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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