She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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