dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
