He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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