my room smells like sperm. sweet.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
