i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
