I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
