I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's just like the Real World with babies
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
