$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
