I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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