Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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