alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
