next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
