i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
