I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
