I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
