I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
