I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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