My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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