Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
