"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
