I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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