Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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