He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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