I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
