ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
