Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
