so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
