Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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