Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
