I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
