Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Couch. On fire.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
